Last June, I had the privilege and pleasure of finally getting my one way ticket heading to anywhere. It took me across 20 countries and 4 continents. I took so many planes/trains/buses/car rides that I lost count. It was my everything. I was constantly on the search for a free weekend and a cheap deal to go explore somewhere new. My wanderlust consumed me and I was in love.

My first year abroad went as fast as it came. After a whirlwind two week Euro trip, I soon found myself back in my (small) hometown in Upstate New York. My first couple weeks were horrible. I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. Every single cell of my being wanted to be anywhere but home. I wanted to be out wandering, out adventuring, out doing anything. Instead I found myself at home, falling into my old routines. I went from having one full time job, to picking up another part time job to go with it. Sound familiar? The workaholic in me was ecstatic, after such a casual year, I was dying to be back in the work grind. But the wanderer in me was dying.

The only saving grace was the plane ticket sitting in my email box. I knew I was leaving. My wings were only clipped temporarily and before I knew it, I would be flying again.

That time’s here, now. Pretty soon I’m going to be getting that email saying “please check into your flight.” I’m going to be throwing my bag onto the airport conveyor belt (and hoping it doesn’t get destroyed). I’m going to be buying my small amount of airport food and surrendering myself to the long flight(s) that lies ahead.

My wandering soul is so incredibly happy. I can’t wait for the green mountains of New Zealand and the surfer waves of Oz. My mind, my body, my soul, is ready. But this time, the goodbye is real. I’m not coming back unless I absolutely have to. It feels weirder this time around. More permanent. I’ve found myself becoming more nostalgic than usual. I’ve realized over time that I’ve been crossing stuff off some imaginary list I made in my head of “Albany things to do.” I find myself becoming increasingly more disappointed as I realize that there are so many things on that list I’m not going to complete.

I’m going to miss things like:

  • seeing the leaves change color
  • watching the leaves fall (and then jumping into the giant leaf piles)
  • going to the drive in (I never did make it this season)
  • eating at that one restaurant I’ve been saying I’d eat at since last year
  • fall television
  • lights in the park during the holidays
  • early morning and late night Panera Bread visits
  • having unlimited access to smartfood
  • my friends
  • my family
  • home

That’s something I don’t admit easily. Home. This place I’ve called home for all of these years. How do you say goodbye to something you’ve never lived without? Crazy to think about, right? I mean change is good, but that doesn’t mean change isn’t hard.

Either way, I’m excited. I’m a bit scared and a little nervous, but this time around I’m good. I think I’m comforted in the finality of things. The fact that I chased my dreams so hard that one of them is starting to come true.

So, to all of those wandering souls out there, just know, you’re not alone. If you’re thinking of trying it out in this big bad world, do it. That bus/train/plane ticket is worth it. So, what are you waiting for?

…So you’re probably thinking to yourself that this post doesn’t make sense, isn’t she already in Sydney? Well, you would be right. I wrote this post back in October but I forgot about it right after I wrote it, so it was never published. I just stumbled upon it when I went to publish my post about my reflection on 2017 and realized that even though it’s a bit out of place, I really want to post it. Even reflecting on this post a couple of months later, everything I wrote was true. I missed seeing the leaves change. I miss eating Panera Bread 24/7 and I miss my family/friends. That being said, I’m okay.

Within the finality of things, I found this calmness that makes sense. Sydney is home now and I’m loving every single second I get to call this city home. So can someone just find me an attractive, single Australian man so I can stay here forever?