Free to Roam Wild

Preface: This isn’t along the same lines as my normal blog posts. I realized today that I haven’t written anything about Antarctica even though I wanted to write so many posts (and I still do). This isn’t a post with tips about Antarctica, but it is a post about how the continent changed me. I hope you enjoy it.

The memories part of Facebook reminded me that a year ago today I was just a girl on a little red ship leaving Ushuaia bound for the white continent. I was just a girl fulfilling a childhood dream not knowing the impact that this bucket list trip was going to have. I knew the trip would be amazing, but I had no way of knowing how much it would change me. I would return a different girl. A girl still in love with the world but finally starting to see how to make that something I could do for the rest of my life. Insane right, how one trip, one decision can change your entire trajectory?

I was just a girl in love with the world on a little red ship set sail to her 7th continent not knowing what it would mean. Not knowing what it would change.

Just a girl making her 7-year-old self, proud.

And proud she did.

My time in Antarctica was everything I could have asked for and more.

To start with, I saw snow.

I danced on the bow of the ship as this white fluffy stuff fell from the sky that I’ve loved since I was a kid. I caught snowflakes on my tongue. My 7-year-old self jumping in utter joy (although not actually jumping because I totally would have fallen flat on my butt). I watched as the snow would add beauty to a place that is already so beautiful. So raw. So intense and yet soft at the same time.

I camped.

We set up camp on a little island in between two penguin colonies. We listened to the penguins as we set up our tents and would stop to watch the world pass by. We heard a blow and realized it was a curious minke that took a few breathes before diving to the depths of the sea. Then two humpbacks came within touching distance of the shore, the sounds of their blows could be heard deep in our souls. Soon we’d hear a loud crack, then a splash as we watched an entire iceberg flip, watching one zodiac ride the waves created by the movement. That night, I stayed up well beyond when the sun would normally set and yet being this far south, it never really set. I watched the penguins march in their little penguin highways settling in for the night. I slept for maybe three hours, and it was both some of the worst sleep I’ve ever had and some of the most magical.

In the morning I would wake to a whole new world.

That’s the thing about the white continent, it changes in an instant and for me, that’s the magic of it. For someone who hates change so much and embraces it with all of the love she has at the exact same time, that’s a bit odd. It’s a weird contradiction but for me, it works. I woke to a whole new world. One where the icebergs had moved, snow had fallen, and the landscape was just different. Nothing was as it was before we’d shut our eyes and that was beautiful. To see a place in a moment that will never exist again, that’s the real magic.

I paddled.

That, for me, is where this story really begins. I’ve kayaked on and off since I was a kid. I learned how to paddle and flip my kayak back at Girl Scout Camp. I loved it so much that kayaking was the only program I signed up for at camp after that initial summer. It’s one of those things that I’ve never committed to and yet will always sign up for as I travel. I’ve never gone out of my way to find places to kayak but I always love it when I stumble on it.

As a girl heading to Antarctica, I knew kayaking wasn’t just a want, it was a need.

So, I paddled and it changed my life.

We paddled four times while on board the little red ship. Twice in Antarctica and twice in South Georgia. The best paddle of the trip I almost said no too. We were going to be landing at a chinstrap penguin colony and I was really torn if I should land or paddle. At that point I hadn’t seen a chinstrap yet and this would be my last chance. I ended up letting the guides talk me into paddling and it’s a good thing I did. We paddled between icebergs larger than cars before circling an island that we didn’t even know had a penguin colony. We paddled along as gentoo and chinstrap penguins lined the edges of the island. We’d watch then awkwardly jump on the rocks of the shore before finally making the jump into the water. Suddenly these quirky, awkward birds became majestic. Porpoising beautifully through the water, moving faster than we ever could as they went hunting for food.

Along with my first chinstraps, I saw gentoo penguins and some weddell seals. The water was flat, almost like glass as we paddled. With each stroke came pure happiness and then it started to snow. The snow for me will always be magic (and I really don’t care how much I use that word). There’s just no other explanation. It is and will always be, magic. After all this brilliant wildlife, to add snow flurries on glassy waters was just – well I don’t have words to explain it. I will say I kept looking for a whale blow in the distance because that is the ONLY thing that could have made this paddle even more special.

Nothing else, just a whale. It never came and yet the paddle was still special.

It was life changing.

They tell you that you don’t know, won’t know, when your life is changing before your eyes but in that moment, I knew. I was falling in love with a place I never thought I would love in a way I never knew I could.

A year less twenty days ago when I would walk off the little red ship, I would be a different girl.

I’d still be a girl in love with the world but now I was a girl in love with the world and with Antarctica. I would be a girl daydreaming of when she could be back on the white continent (spoiler alert, it hasn’t happened yet but it’s in the five-year plan). And I would be a girl who finally found a career that she couldn’t stop thinking about.

If you haven’t guessed it yet, this girl is daydreaming of working as a kayak guide in Antarctica. I want to share the place that has filled me with pure magic with other people. I want to be the girl who makes someone else see the magic of this vast continent. I want more snowy filled paddles and changed lives. More out of this world whale experiences and memories I’ll never forget. I want to be someone who keeps visiting landing sites that are constantly changing, never staying the same. To be a person experiencing moments in time that will never exist in that same way, probably ever again.

I want to be a girl who continues to love the world and Antarctica. A girl who won’t stop until she sees every nook and cranny, preferably above and below the surface. And, most of all, I want to be a girl who paddles a hell of a lot more.